Laziness

Haven't felt much like writing.  Not sure if I am in a rut or if this is a natural pause.  I did a lot of thinking and growing in the past year.  Maybe right now there isn't as much to learn and it is more about integration?  Maybe I am just lazy?

I think that I have come to a place where I just am Métis and I am less afraid to say that out loud or show it.  I have now self declared in two job processes.  I have worn my identifying clothes out.  We lay down our tobacco everyday and circle time is a regular part of our lives.  I am getting to know people in the community.  I am struggling with some stuff, but it is normal stuff.  Sophie doesn't believe in the circle.  I can live with that.  She wouldn't smudge with me this morning before her big test which made me mad, but that seems like regular life as she is growing up and out.


I am still reading about failure and ways to integrate that learning back into life.  It has been an interesting exercise and I really appreciate that opportunity to just obsess about a subject for a while and immerse myself in it. 


I am finishing the last book in the Birthmarked Series by Caragh O'Brein.  This is a young adult series and I think it is getting at some moral issues and our responsibilities to act in times of injustice, but I am mostly enjoying this series as they remind me of how I felt when I was little reading the Laura Ingles stories.  It is another world that is just out of touch.  I could be there.


After a stint of physiotherapy on my hand I have been able to come back to beading.  I feel very unskilled and sloppy, but at least I am doing it again.  It is good to be creating.  Maybe it is all about waking up from the winter.  Trying to be kind to myself and live with the questions.