Integrity Buffalo Two

Always take an integrity buffalo with you

Long roots and Integrity Buffalo

Integrity Buffalo

Hand drum with sound waves
by Runa

The residential schools have long long roots.  As I tried to pull my screaming seven year old down the street to the school bus this morning and seriously lost my cool when she missed that bus, I realized that I was responding to history and a deep fear of the school, of all the little messages we get that we don't get our child to school enough.  I didn't listen to my child and her reasons for not getting on that bus, but my own fear of having to explain to those authorities that she was absent.  Maybe all that is in my head but it feels viscerally real.  I feel the history of that relationship with school still there.

Last year, instead of believing that Runa was learning disabled as we suggested, the teacher told us that Runa was not learning to read because she was missing too much school.  Turns out that she did not want to go to school as her teacher was mean to her about not learning how to read fast enough.  This summer we found out that Runa can't even see the letters much of the time.  I am so mad at myself for letting the school influence who I am as a parent.  I am ashamed of my reactions.  I hope that these are teachable moments when I come to Runa and ask forgiveness, but it is humbling as a parent.

Hope is in our blood

Suicide is a big issue for our indigenous kids.  It is scary as a parent to see your child hurting so much.  When Sophie was first suicidal I felt like I had failed as a parent.  I really liked this article by Jonnie Jae "Hope is in our blood" where she speaks about her struggle with suicide and the strength that she draws from her ancestors.  We come from people who have survived a lot.  We are never alone.  I try to remind Sophie that even if I cannot be there in a particular moment that she is surrounded by her family, those who have walked on, and those around her, the earth at her feet, the tree outside the window, the rock in her pocket. She may not know how to get through something, but there are a lot of people with her to support her and share knowledge.  I also try to apply that back to myself, as scared as I am, my ancestors have lived through these struggles, seen much and can guide me through.  My first tattoo was "struggle" to remind myself that the very fact that you keep going to struggle is a kind of hope.  You are never alone.

Birchbark baskets - teachings in disguise

Been off schedule a bit here with a big ice storm and sick kids.  However, this week did include two visits to Kumik to learn how to make a birch bark basket.  The workshop was led by Chuck and Janet Commanda.  I expected this to be a normal kind of workshop, but being situated in the Kumik and led by these two people, this was really more of a teaching time.  My first impression, as a process improvement person, was how they could do this workshop so much faster and more efficiently.  But this would lose the experience and the teaching element.  Sitting for a moment, waiting for your turn with the teachers, listening to them work with the other students, having them take time to talk with you. these were all part of a greater experience. 

I learned not only the physical act of constructing the basket, but learned about who they had learned from, about the process of gathering the materials, not to close a knife someone else had opened and the other uses of these medicine.  I also got to spend time with people enjoying each other, taking the time to learn and being real about life.  I don't know what brought it up, but Mr Commanda said something like, sometimes you don't want to go home.  Those words have been with me over the past few days.  What a comfort to know that we are not alone in our difficult relationships.  Not a freak.  Sometimes we have made our own homes here.  Sometimes that home has a lot of hurt.

Runa was very impressed with my basket and took a bunch of pictures.  She wanted to be the one to decorate it with the names of all the ancestors.  She spent most of Wednesday morning, a snow day, working out the family tree and how to spell everyone's names.

I took her back to Kumik to decorate the basket and she was delighted by the whole experience.  She wanted to make her own but was ok when she couldn't.  Mrs Commanda showed her how to scratch the bark and she made a bunch of designs with little fish and animals. She was so impressed that the bark could do that. She was totally absorbed for over and hour.  I completed the top of the basket with a turtle and did some bark scratching to use as pieces in jewelry.  We stayed while Runa continued to play with the bark and I did some drawings.  It was so good to spent that time with Runa creating something, sitting in communion with the ancestors. Runa wants to get more bark so she can keep working.  She is very keen to go to more workshops like this.  I am too.  In speaking to Mr Commanda he had not heard about people who made baskets out of pine needles, so I brought in the ones I made in the fall.  It was interesting to see the two side be side, seeing people be creative with what they had around them.  What are you learning about this week?

Things used to be better bear

Nanaskomowin

We had a very Canadian weekend out for the winter festival.  We saw sled dogs and cour de bois playing fiddles and lots of maple syrup. The girls went zip lining and down the very big snow slides.  We met a boy named Rune and stood in a lot of lines.

For our circle time we read "Rabbit's Snow Dance" by James and Joseph Bruchac.  The story is about how the rabbit learns patience and loses his long beautiful tail.  The story on patience was well needed at our house.  The girls liked the song parts of the book and the animals in the story.  It was a good length and while the art style is not to my taste, overall the family seemed to enjoy this book.  After reading, Runa led us to make jewelry with the ancestors - she really likes to leave the circle open while we do our craft or game.  Joel made me a lovely bracelet, while Sophie made me a necklace and beaded my hair.  I made a bracelet that said "nanaskomowin" (grateful in Cree).  I felt very blessed, that people wanted to make me things, that Sophie was happy (her higher dose of drugs seems to be working) and that Runa is such a good leader, getting everyone organized to do an activity.  We also had lots of fart jokes for the ancestors and spirit world so it was a pretty well rounded circle time.

I am off to Kumik later today to learn how to make a birch bark basket.