Powwow 2015

We were off to powwow this weekend.  The children got their bouncy castle and trampoline fix.  It was so great to be there and watch all the happy people.  The children in their regalia were lovely and everyone looked great.  Someone even had some very find spiderman regalia from Native Bebe.  Ran into some folks that we knew and ate fry bread and strawberries and just hung out.  We learned about fish scale art and birch biting.  The highlight for me was watching the girls find other children and start exploring the animal burrows they found and jump out of trees.  It is still a real blessing to see Sophie doing these normal things.


We continued to celebrate the solstice over the weekend with a two trips to the park and a picnic to honor the ancestors.  We made a house for Runa's OOkpic and I organized my teaching things for this summer.  I have put all my materials into categories so that they are easy to pull out to develop lesson plans.  I am really please to have found a lot of activities that they can do outside and related to the metis teachings.  What are your plans for the summer?

Why do we self hate?

I was talking to my mother this weekend (I will write this as I know she refuses to read my blog) and she talked about interviewing an indian, only how he did not "look indian".  I know she raises these issues for her own weird reasons but I also have to wonder, is there some self hating there?  For so many years she was told to hide what she was and take refuge in the blue eyes that she can no longer see that others may have moved beyond that into a self acceptance?  At pow wow this weekend the whole range of skin colours was shown.  Even in our family, we had on person with a nice tan and the other with blisters.  I wish she could move beyond those labels and look at what people are bringing to the table rather than what they look like

Bringing the Elders and children back together

I liked this article about a nursing home where they are co-located with a pre-school.  What a great idea.

Watching Cattepillers

Have not been posting quite as regularly.  I have been thinking a lot about where I am in life.  Some of the changes I need to make are hard for me.  They push me outside of what is comfortable.  It tips me over to my melancholy side some days.  So here on the happy side is Runa in her shorts set I made out of a pillow case.   I have been doing more sewing and taking time to think quietly.  Runa is now also officially learning disabled.  She is off to the special eye Dr today just to rule that out, but we are now into the investigating solutions phase.  Overall, her mood has been better since we told her.  I think it was a relief for her.

I am reading  Looking at Mindfulness by Christophe Andre.  I really like the approach of using the art as a means to show the concepts he is discussing.  It is a very effective learning technique and the ideas stay with you. I have been working on taking some time every day to sit quietly and think.   Yesterday I took this book and the words of the elder to heart and sat to watch caterpillars at lunch.  I was struck by how fragile and fluid their lives are and how little they really had control over. 

I am also working through Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie .  I really like a story she tells;

 

"Once upon a time, a woman moved to a cave in the mountains to study with a guru.  She wanted, she said, to learn everything there was to know.  The guru supplied her with stacks of books and left her alone so she could study.  Every morning the guru returned to the cabin to monitor the woman's progress.  In his hand, he carried a heavy wooden cane.  Each morning he asked he the same question: "have you learned everything there is to know yet"?  Each morning her answer was the same.  "No", she said "I haven't".  The guru would then strike her over the head with his cane.

This scenario repeated itself for months.  One day the guru entered the cave, asked the same question, heard the same answer and raised his cane to hit her in the same way, but the woman grabbed the cane from the guru, stopping his assault in midair,

Relieved to end the daily batterings, but fearing reprisal, the woman looked up at the guru.  To her surprise the guru smiled.  "congratulations," he said "you have graduation.  You now know everything you need to know."  "How is that?" the woman asked. "You have learned that w you will never learn everything these is to know," her replied." and you have learned how to stop the pain."

This really spoke to me.  I don't like to make choices until I have all the information, but maybe I have enough information and I just need to make a choice.

I am a person to whom loyalty is really important and I was shown very clearly that my loyalty was not valued and would not be shown back to me.  I can't change that part of me.  It has caused me pain and I have tried to be another kind of person at various points but I cannot be.  That is not me.  I am not naïve but to me and in my family loyalty is core and I can't stay in a situation where something so core to myself is not valued.  I also keep hearing a guest on Oprah a long time ago who said "when people show you who they are believe them."  I might not want to believe them, but I need to.

Be an ant

Was very happy to get a chance to sit down with an elder this morning at Kumik.  I asked my question about how to know when to stay and live in something and when it is time to change things and move.  The Elder talked about working to dismantle your own cage so that you can see your life clearly and while doing this to open communication with your family and listen to their perspectives on the issues. 


The Elder raised three points that really spoke to me.  The first was around finding a balance, that we can't live only in the heart  or only in the logic places of our lives, that we need to find a way to balance both those parts together and to walk a combined path.  Balance is a word that comes up in my life a lot.  It was striking to hear it again today.


He also spoke several times about how his role with his wife changed over time, where he used to be the lead and that now she does.  I took this as a reminder that our roles change over time and that can be natural and does not have to be scary.  It is also ok to not be the leader sometimes and to let someone else play that role.


The last thing he said that really struck me was from his grandmother's teachings reminding us to be an ant.  A call to take time and watch what the ant does in his life.  To take time to stop and look at those around you and watch how they are going on about their business.  I took from this the need to take time and not just focus on my little bit of the world but recognize that is going on around me.


I very much enjoy having access to these elders and the opportunity to learn from them.  He also spoke about the importance of smudging, not only with the sage but in also using the sweet grass as a means of clarifications.  This time with the Elder gave me a lot to think about.  It reminded me that I want to bring a little more ceremony into my life.  It brought focus that I need someone in my life who has time to talk and that on of the things that is really bothering me at work is this lack.  I am unhappy at work, but I am not sure that it is the work itself, but rather that feeling of hurriedness and the lack of connection.  Much in my soul to ponder.

Women Warriors and worriers

We got ready for solstice over the weekend.  I made a sun hoop and put up some other decorations.  We will have a ceremony on Sunday with the ancestors and plant our candle to dig up for winter solstice.  The girls are very excited to go to Powwow on the weekend, although their excitement mostly seems to apply to seeing the bouncy castle and not the dancers.

We did our circle time outside yesterday and Sophie brought her drum.  It was good to see her play on it even if I was a bit worried about the neighbor's response at 8:30 in the morning.  We listened to the Woman's warrior song and  Joel made fun of me that this is not the woman's worrier song which I may need as well.  We learned this song at the Truth and Reconciliation events earlier in June.  I was so glad to find this online and to be able to practice at home with the children.  I really appreciate those people who are putting their songs and teachings online.  It is such a blessing for us who have so much to learn.

Runa helped me to paint the front porch and she also led some games at the park.  It is wonderful to see her taking initiative and to see the pride in her work.  It is fun to play her games even if the rules don't always make sense.  It is a good reminder that how I live my life is being watched and copied.

I am thinking on something I read by an Elder that we should not see a lack of happiness as failure.  I feel sad a lot and I am harsh with myself about it sometimes.  I am thinking about this also in the context of our circle time teaching which looked at the four hills of life from the book of the same name.  We read a passage looking at the responsibilities and realities of each hill.    Can I just accept not being happy and not making a big deal of it and just live it?  Where is the line between working to change your life and just stepping back and accepting what is there for you?  I am thinking on these things and going to see some Elders tomorrow at Kumik.  I think I want to ask these things.

Below is Sophie's android Indian girl.

Hate Crime, beauty and dyslexia

Not feeling deep at the moment, so sort of grazing on thoughts like a gazelle.
 
Love Louie C.K.

Here is the latest Canadian Hate Crime data.  I worked on this project a long time ago.  I am proud I got to be part of this.

I liked this piece about "25 Examples Of Male Privilege From A Trans Guy’s Perspective"

I liked this piece showing all the different kinds of beauty.  I really appreciate that these pieces are very inclusive.

I am mentoring through the Dreamcatcher program.  It has been an interesting experience to share with someone you have never met.  My mentee asked me what books I would recommend.  It was an interesting process to think about what I would recommend to a teen.  I ended up with the following.  What books influenced you?

Sophie's world - a girl gets mysterious letters and learns about philosophy
Apex Hides the Hurt - a book about how things get labels and our own prejudices
Nation - who would you be if no one was around to see you?
The Female Eunuch - thinking about what it means to be a woman in this world
Crime and Punishment - this is not an easy read, but is a good book about what it means to be good

The other questions they asked was about where I find inspiration and for the first time I articulated that one of the places I am learning that inspires me a lot is my learning disabilities. Often I do not perceive things quite right the first time and the things that my brain fills in with are weird and sometimes fun. I am trying to enjoy weird that instead if letting it make me feel stressed that I am not getting something the same way someone else does.  Do you have "flaws" you need to look at in a new light too?