The past couple of weeks have been hard. I am really grieving for Runa and her anxiety. I am very relieved we will be able to see some professionals soon for help. This weekend she had a panic attack about going to the park. She was worried that people would see her. We talked a bit about dark horse. I have been laying down tobacco for dark horse each morning. Things with Runa have set off my own depression and I need to keep going without falling into unhealthy patterns. They are so comfortable and seductive. I feel like dark horse understands.