Wednesday, October 26, 2022

A staggering art of courage

Need to reattach flesh
Armature realigned
Dents buffed
Lost bits
Proxied
Model muscles
Build up
Carrying
Primordial shame
Broken down
Carrying difference
Need nerves
Carry signals
Between units
Stranger til now
Need blood
Nourishment
For starving lands
Need flesh
To cover
To protect
Need label
To make beast
‘discoverable’
New thing
Old thing
Build of steal
Forged by craftsmen
Of cruelty
So skilled a predator
Made safe for dinner réparté

RESIST
Not their story!
It is ours
Each reweaving of a worn place
Each reinforcement of a wobbly corner
Each stich to bring once close things back tight
Each refresh – new paint to chip
Each label erased
A staggering art of courage 

Nanabjorn P 22

We ain’t no army of the damned

Pack your bags
Gather your medicines
Ready your gifts
Your stories
Your strength
They will be needed
To our thinkers
To our children
To those who keep us fed
To old ones
Both here
And those arriving later
To leaders
Who speak in silences
Who show us how to live
Those who take up care

We ain’t no army of the damned
We are something new
Imagined
When
They tried to silence “drums”
Be ready
Listen careful
Why the Clan Grandmothers
Will retake the hill
You are warriors of hope
Of numbers
Letters
Strategy
Once slaves
Soon Captains of the hunt

Pehiw 2022
To D

What if I trade in each lie to buy back truths?

What if I trade in each lie to buy back truths?
Each lie
Covered a wound
Poker hot
Turn your stomach rot.
Now seen
Healing begins
Bring brother maggot to clear out dead
To make room for each new story
Truth burn to heal

Pehiw W 2022

Hadda

Angry

I was never allowed

No matter

The pain/shame

No matter

The touch

The breaking

Hadda

Smile

Hadda

Be polite

Never my own

You wonder

Sometimes

I forget I person

 

Pehiw Wandering 2022


Friday, September 2, 2022

I have to retell some story

I have to retell some story
Many/all maybe?
That tattoo – lie.
That math +new story
Never (k)new poison so deep

Of course I have darks
They inheritances of chaos
I cannot hate those either
They are the darks that make art
The moments that give us succor
The ecstasy of perfect balance

They are the dark of soil
Alive with life
Even without light
They are Darwin
-man enough to face the CHURCH-
But afraid of the power of worm
He knew they could change the landscape
Together
Generation
After generation
Just living

Invisible is ok
Ok to heal or tear
Ok to not push forward
But to shrink
To soothe
Tender place
You are this but also awesome strong

This moment – fail – regret – feel-
It is true but not true
It is story you can bend like streamed wood
The grain
The smell/feel is root (own your harm)
But brave heat/water
Let soften
Transform your role
Your guilt
Your regrets
Neither 
villain or god

A you who knew less
A you who helped now you survive
A strong beautiful you
Even with its eyes full of rage
Breaths ragged from the Battle
Gore covered maw

Raise your head
Eye
To eye
To eye
To eye
See your future/past
What is mine?
What is yours?

And if today
I fail to look true
Then tomorrow
Another chance to try

Pehiw W2022

The struggle

Of course –
The struggle is joyful*
Not easy
Not wanted
But it sparks
Or it is not yours to carry

Pehiw W2022

*Gloria Steinem?

Bear’s Lost Battalion

Warriors of the interior
I light my joint careful
To scarred by trench living
The instinct too deep
Live for package
News from away
A letter
Her perfume
Armistice by fall?

Never warm
Never silent
Never safe
The boredom
The terror
The never agains

We bandage the wounded
Send them right back
EAP - three little letters
Signal a battle
When munitions are low
Wounds that needs lending
But still fit for line

An army of civil
Forgotten back home
No histories in horror
Forgetters us all
We sup on the flesh
Of the young
And indentured

Supply chains stretched dangerous
Our scopes
Stopped by mud
Sent guard for ideas
A moldering horde
But stiff upper lip
Cause grammar still matters

Remember our fallen!
Remember our harm!

We dream of home
While they labyrinth our days
Hope home still exists
The sweetheart stayed true
The truce is a coming
The wound fade to scars

Remember our fallen
Speak of their stories
Write some new songs.

Pehiw W2022
For D who knows and protects

Meditations on “Knowing”

“I know”
But it took a 100 months
Or more
To comprehend the vastness of the knowings
I hold but sand
Not able to eat beach

But I only know consumption myself
The other
The world whole

I only know
To stuff myself with sights and sounds and sorrows
Too consumed to move.

So I bathed myself in silence
Then in life and hanging laundry

I am angry at myself
My first response to harm is to make it mine

Enough!
Those “teachings” were to tame the fires
Of merciless Indian savages*
They are really just another way to kills us.

 

Pehiw 2022

* Link

Tuesday, August 23, 2022

I have firsts to write

I have firsts to write
I see them
Resonances to light
We have galaxies
To build
To learn with
Forgive
Change
Become
I had you from the start
Then you art
Hope, abundance, learn
When we make impossible places
We dream mobiles of different
While our teachers,
Ancestors
Those not yet begun,
Begin to sing together.

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

Friday, August 19, 2022

Mornings on Bear Channel

Ninanaskomowin for you
A morning story
Photos
Family
Becoming
Your company
On this journey
Learning to navigate
By rivers
Skies
Lobsticks*
A new “hello”
Each land we enter
A new gratitude
Each ancestor
We welcome
NOT mental health
NOT wellness
Relationships formed
As we worry problems
Listen to the wisdom of those to come
Gotta plan the seeds for their harvest!
The computer
Deletes
30 days
But your truths
Your stories
A rich soil for becoming.

Pehiw 2022
*Here is a link about lobsticks

Don’t meat eyes

Don’t meat eyes
Feature/flaw?
Culture?
Dis-ability?
Used to be slow
Now “equity seeking”
I ok
Cause Master Degree
Transforms
Stupid
Into paper
Aint nothing real
Same
Same
Same
I like culture better
Space for other
Time for story
Gifts to find flow

Pehiw 2022

Thursday, August 18, 2022

You got a favorite hope?

You got a favorite hope?
Hold it
You are here
Cause
Ancestors
Held theirs
Even
As they prepared
For dark days.

You were born not human

I get the angry
But the fear…
You were their hope
Tell that story!
Never again.
Each child
A blessing.

They left a path.
You gonna cry
cause past
hurts?
-somedays-

You gonna
Disappear
Cause they find
More convenient?

Gotta hold that space
Silence
A teaching
A beauty
A truth
You hold
Not a weapon
Or forgetting

Cause we welcome
All freaks
We all broken
Born “Wrong”
Too much
Too little
But hope
Got a way

We take turns holding on.

That’s my favorite hope

Pehiw 2022

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

Overcome by impermanent impertinence

“I had one of those dreams – you were a three headed woman” Boy and Bear

I had one of those dreams
Each stain
Crack
Concrete
Tear
Bodies
Held out of time
A gallery of personal delights
Who needs no museums
Crow curates
Voices truth
Sage cradles
Mind
Spirit
Body
Overcome by impermanent impertinence
Wonder
We will cradle
Each of those heads
Make the braids tight
Adorn each ear
A beaded Sistine chapel
You
Are art
You are a dream
You are healing

Pehiw W 2022

Market delights

If the market is so great
An invisible
Perfect
Mathematical hand
Shoulda given
A solution
To those
Black
Brown
Othered bodies
Where is our “miracle cure”?
Our lotions
Potions
And other market delights?
You offered us
Wellness
Resilience
Health of the mental
Why no interest in a world
Where our bodies
Aren’t war zones?
Where we have energy
To care
For family
For communities
For all our relations?

Pehiw 2022

Languages of hope

In your words*
Flanked by Ministers
Prime
Or otherwise
A news conference
Hardly ripples
I saw the future
I saw truth
I saw leader
They read speeches
Made by others
You spoke
Truths
Met our eyes
Ancestors
Fed your words
More now I am hungry
More
Not to gorge
Amazon
Youtube
Netflix
But possibility
Real change
To raise up
Leaders
Who meet our eyes
And feed our languages of hope

Pehiw 2022
*Nathan Obid

Monday, August 15, 2022

Voice sharpened by mountains

Why do I hunger to write a phrase that’s new
To unlock the secrets of ancients
To trail my tongue across the landscape
My voice sharpened by mountains
My mind alive with oceans
My heart powered by celestial wonders?
Let us go together!
Let us follow the guidance of the mothers
Of clans
And lands
And skies
Let’s birth a new generation of wonder and wisdom
Let us hunger no more
And feast on abundance

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

Wet brown Sugar

Shame
Softens me
Like wet brown sugar
Wicked West Witch
I dissolve
Ants rush
Divide
Conquer
Spread thin
This shame
Is magnificent
Stained glass glory
Adorn some old cathedral
Warm light
On sinner’s heads
A pyramid scheme
Can never get out of
SIN
A bookie knows you well
A good upsell
Come now brother
Thunder
Clap your wings
Shatter
Every window
Return me to sand
To shards
Use your wings
To send a piece
To every corner
Beyond the starts
Down to the deep ones
Let me learn the old ways
Spend a life with spider
Travel every root
Learn every petal
To come anew

Pehiw Wandering 2022

Grey Man

Grey man
Taught me to write
With the tight focus
Of someone
Familiar with poor
Who never forgets
Saves – reuses.
We share remembrance
Of meat/flesh
Stretched far with stale bread
The times
There were no seconds
Never hungry
We still chase full
My wealth
A bag of lentils
A just in case
I played food bank
Helped each dolly
Teddy
Precarious lot
Poor labor market outcomes
Pack a bag of food
The greatest SHAME
This year
We received
Christmas hamper
Cause
We thought we hid poor better
The foods
All foreign
Each one tasted like pity
That recession touched us in bad ways
That basket made us poor
More than any hungry bellies
It turned us into other
Erasing
All the knowledge
Of all the Kookums making do

 

Pehiw Wandering 2022

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Softhard

Seer say
Softhard
More alike warriors
Enrobed
In Grandfather sun,
Learn more
As strength
Learns in strength
There is no honor
To battle broken.

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

Board the Train

Let’s make degenerate art
Make love across time/space
You afraid to leave your house
Me
I don’t want to leave either
This moment
A tragically hip/elbow ache
Quebec like referendum like passion

Didn’t know
The best stories
Prophesies
Pale skin across brown
Lips to work in new ways
You became a first.
Gotta work my tongue
Teach it new ways

4am truths
Couldn’t work smarter…

Degenerate art
You bade us
Board the train*
You brought us to Temple
Sacred space
Entreating us
Remember
Feel
Smell

Hear how easy the lies lie
[degenerates – a decay of something better
savage – we never “progressed”]

We use those same hues
Keys
Empty places
To make new worlds
Where
Death camps/schools/picnics
Stories told over new wampum
Past
Pre/post to be
Our nakedness
No longer a shame.

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

*To escape, to death, to knowledge
To Otto Lowie

Not a dimensional rogue

You take me up
Lead me on a winding road
My ears tremble to climb
Then release
Mundanity
I am (m)(f)other
Not a dimensional rogue
Off to sup
On the emotional detritus
Of times and peoples long gone
Yet to come
Too rich a dish for everyday

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

Kistâpawatâw (S/he washes clothing)

Our wrangler arrived
A controversial purchase
To ever hunger
For white curved perfection
Made broken
To feed corporate gluttons?
Or a tool
We can understand and repair?

I like the laundry now
Each clothe a world
Not a “load”
I see the water grey
Still good for green
A lunchtime moment
A ceremony
A concert
A learning

I listen
To all those ladies
On all those rivers
Over melted snow
Washing letters*
Saving lives
Teaching young ones
Who turned tools
Into music**
Your work into community
Your labour into gift
Our GDP
“too advanced” to measure.

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

*There is a story of my Great –great grandmother Eleanor Garneau washing the letter from Riel as the police came to look for evidence to arrest the men of the community.

** My grandmother Mary Dale played the washboard in her jug band.

Friday, July 29, 2022

To the futures we can't even dream

Will the time come
When I can just trust
Process
Flow
Creation
Use the paint
The little on decried
- Yes – the future needs just that tone
Turquoise/jewel/sky
Each stroke
A winding thread
To those we help become
To those who make/take up
Warriorifying
Our artists
Knowers
Makers
And whisperers of divine.
Gonna wait for savior?
Trust hard
Cause they made the cost high
Us
We lived on road sides
Unhuman
Outside
Aint got much
That they can see the value of
-mamisiwin-
I/we gotta learn the old words
Listen to our blood
Use what today gives us
Be ok
That there are futures
We can’t even dream
But we can quip
With paints and brushes and hope.

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

Wandering with Maskwa (future)

I see our future
Germinating
Teaching us
Gathering the good
We will get you home
Bring you back
To paint this town
In new stories
Of ceremonies
Teachings to hear our
“we walked uphill to cabinet both ways” stories
To write your own
Let us braid together
Our best
Let us
Shelter
Support
Sustain
To grow
To become
Our truth
Will move us 

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

Wandering with Maskwa (Consulting the River)

Who would imagine
A year ago
Observed by water
We dreamed
We weighted
Then we lived it
On meeting again
My heart knew you
By any name
You make me better
Remind me
That easy sentiment
Don’t always satisfy
That a six month smile
Can sustain
Even when those waters froze.

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

Wandering with Maskwa (Going Home)

Those photos
Still make me tear
You are so happy
So fully truly you
When you need
We will let you go
Your path
-we won’t cry-
You have seeds to nurture
Teachers to meet
I learn from you everyday
We/I will remember
When it is months
Maybe years
Maybe lifetimes.

Pehiw – Wandering 2022
To J 

Morning Meditation to Ginny my cat who misses her beagle brother

I see myself in you my four footed sister
You don’t let yourself be held back
Even when hard
You push your limits
Travel far
Defend us passionately
You learned from your brother
Did not see a stupid little annoyance
But another with gifts to share
New ways to learn
Different limits
And saw not that he was different
Scary
Wrong
But saw heart to heart
Saw family
Saw love

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

A half and half and half prophet

Again
A half and half and half prophet*
Delivers a message
Between sips of latte
Maybe
That’s why
My book is full of serious words
Underlined
Repeated page over page
“tourism”
“Nose”
“J-beaver”
These stories I don’t know yet
Sent sentries
To warn of knowledge to come.

Tatawa
We connect
An Uber ride
A cafe
A tv show that tells your truths
More right
Than any my tongue could carry.
A woman empowered
Life of exquisite fullness
Mind and/or body
To child or not
All paths valid
To destroy the worlds of man
or
Raise economies of care
To explore
Space and ocean
Now and tomorrow
To revel in body
Light of dark

That 43 minutes showed
Why you can’t ever love me
I transformed a 9 tail fox
That other me
Only you carry that
Never meant to be

I can’t stay grave
With possibility denied
I am a new thing
A half and half and half
Receiver of messages
Explorer of possibilities.

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

* The Virtual Museum of Métis History and Culture (metismuseum.ca)

For all the times...

“I wish I could make it so you could see yourself…I am full to the head of unsayable things I don’t want to forget” Lyric from Unison by Gang of Youths

You seduced us
Brought us to ceremony
Sent us off
To move as we must
To treat each other well
The front row
Forehead to forehead
You told
(y)our/all truths

Sometimes
The lies kept us safe
Encased in “passing bodies”
No stories!
Who am I?
Book sinner
Stoooooopid
-if you are always wrong – why not win on speed?

This poem wants…

“The call them the milleniuums”
Another generation bears scars on gentle skin
Literally my kids
Catholic school –
Well I got bruises
“parental contact discouraged”
So I made one last call
And my kid left school at 14
Just like their Mooshum
A Métis man “in care” from 3

All the times you unticked that box (Métis)
When you told us
Child services – they got some good #%@)#
FUCK YOU!
Head Dr
Where my suit
Name tag
Nice shoes
Meant my kid got help 
– that time

“Health care” that leaves us dead
Scared to call for help
When I screamed in pain
The nurse looked away
Until later
When she asked again
“How much do you drink?”

Gotta reclaim
Cause I want to live in that moment of ceremony
Not the lies or pain
Alive in that moment of art life truth
Unafraid of those unsayable things

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

Thursday, July 28, 2022

Past is not meant to be a forensic investigation

“I see now – I’ve had a break in my soul” Lyric from Ontario by Keaton Henson

Past is not meant to be a forensic investigation
But sometimes
Call for audit
Hostile witness
Circumstantial…
Your heart knows

Call sage and cedar
To council you well
Call circle
We witness
You bare

You are so much more than scars
We see that steel that kept you here
You are medicines

Pehiw – Wandering 2022

Feet of Clay

We expected the feet of clay
We saw the fragility
Your fear of us
Evil babies
Morning in America
Never imagining
The depths
Hate
Lies
Fear
You curated like treasures

We hoped it was us
That you could learn to love
Next baby worthy
How little the space
You want smaller still
Your rents ever higher
We tried
Bridges left half built
Abandoned
Made absurd
When the rot came clear

So crawl into drum
Start your own song
Let clay return to earth
Claim your space

Pehiw – Wandering 2022
For J

Saturday, July 23, 2022

The very stones that oversaw harm

So I could sit that day
Another Minister
Forced to face the people
The government tried to forget
My appetite
To adorn
To show
White skin aside
We are still here.

So by accident
(not really – creator made is so)
My first born beside me
So strong
To stand on that stage
Hand in hand with Elder
You one – you carry all
You inherited the future
-for truth and reconciliation –

When it is time
Please tell their stories
The firsts
The harm
The hope
Tell them of those other days
That same hill
Adorned with ribbon skirts
Tell them to bear witness
To hear the Clan Grandmothers
To honour our lost

Above my head
In the very stones
Who oversaw those harms
“speak truth to power.”
Put down your suits
This work might get dirty
Might last deep into night –
Come in jeans and hoodies
Separate no more
Detoxing from the drugs
Of expertise and forgetting.

Pehiw Wandering 2022

The Ministry of Now

I didn’t see it
In that moment
Too distracted
By the surface
Beauty/joy/hope
That time needed you

Cause
None of this
Is about difference
It is about the fullness of who we are
The lands that sustain us
Inspire us
It is about
Those we carry
Blood
Mind
Faded scars

As we gather
Screen our electronic fire
We share stories
Songs and teachings
We become together
Or exist
Without limbs
Senses
Stories
Never whole.

So in between the LOUD and
soft moments
We fuel something
Of dimensions
Measured in wholly new units
At the Ministry of Now.

Pehiw Wandering 2022
To L

Modern Men

You modern men
You used to scare me
Grown on John Wayne
Dirty Harry
Hand crack
Dirt oil men
I couldn’t see the beauty of spaces to explore
Men who care
Who teach babies
Who learn that love has no gender
Who have a word*
When they need them

Pehiw Wandering 2022
*Non-binary

Wednesday, July 20, 2022

Cameras out

I used to write
Upside
Backwards
Cyrillics
Till I graduated to skin.

I took my notes
Humiliations
Histories
Each mangled letter taught to
“Proper ladies do…”

But I lunch with gangsters
Burnt out wood men
Japanese businessmen
Cameras out.

I don’t understand
No Madonna
Too obsessed to touch sky to remember
Little girls can’t fly.

Pehiw Wandering 2022

You heard bout the economist lecture on pornhub?

You heard bout the economist lecture on pornhub?
What search brought you here?
Comments
“After 50 minutes of macroeconomics I begin to suspect this will NOT have a happy ending”
“I have never #@$%! So hard in my life. Hope there is a sequel.”
“Macroeconomics – I try not to judge others, but, not around the kids.”

I teach mine safe fiscal and monetary policy
“What if they don’t respect your limits?”
Full anti-Chicago precautions!
There can be no consent
If you don’t talk to kids about economics – they will learn
On the streets
In Kindergarten

A friend worried about playground Marxism.
Mine preferred Žižek
Butler
An uncomfortable tea
Dolly was Arrant
Bear Eichmann
Banal or not
They were unexpected friends

We could play paper dolls
Drag Smith to club with Marshall
(Smith already has his own wig)

Or better yet
Find the women
The others (our medicine peoples)
Empress Wu Zen and her council of women
Whose infrastructure funding
Meant her people did not starve
Grandmothers who made due
Who repaired when e-c-o-n-o-m-i-c-s
Meant we starved our people
To those youth
Making
Sharing
Asking hard questions
We work with you
As long as strength remains

Circle recognizes circle.

Pehiw Wandering 2022

Tuesday, July 19, 2022

Harvest Moon

A 1000 years ago
We journeyed
Thin glass
A temporal barrier to our love affair.

We watched
The landscape
Breathe seasons

Tacky try buildings
- Maybe they have settled now –

They tried
Roofs of green
Libraries of pine
Dewy Decimal sorrows
Overcome
By parking ass
And touching
Each bound world
To know their truths

If I had more skin
I would
Still be full up.

A lot of truths
Grew
As we built our maps to “Savage degeneracies”
AKA – we don’t kill our kids for market!
That’s a moniker worn with pride.

To all my boys
To chicken dinners*
Even you spy
To you – body make crime
To you - who did not know the boat sinks
To you - who were big when I was small
To you - last name backwards
Wherever Friday morning holds you
Ni-nanaskomowin

Pehiw Wandering 2022
* Economist potlocks when everyone brings what was on sale that week.

Monday, July 18, 2022

I extrapolate the harm

Patterns
I extrapolate the harm
My data
Refined
Longitudinal
The model
A beauty
Rivaling Helen of Troy?
Is a demi-Helen
The new math we need?*

What is the measure of harm?
You know your units
Shame
Paths untried
Eyes not met

When do I become complicit?
When I did math with hope?

You wondered why more Indigenous folk
Don’t do higher level 
academy MATH

Cause they know maths/numbers/sacred geometries
You don’t know exist.
Who needs who?

And cause
We got babies to feed
Dying to care for
Ceremony to do –
Sacred math
Circle
Rocks in small hands
In those generations
Sunk deep in bones.

Pehiw Wandering 2022

* 1986 McCloskey, D.N. The Rhetoric of Economics, University of Wisconsin Press; 2nd ed. (1998) ISBN 0-299-15814-4 (First ed. written as Donald McCloskey2nd ed. preview.

Warriors of Soil

You share
Tired
So many battles
So many more to come
But you were planting seeds
Food our kids will consume
Nurturing vines that map the struggle
Your art
Messages to ponder
To inspire

Maybe we are Moses
To never enter the promised land
But they carry your line
Your stories
Your truths

For all the labels
Given in fear
Consider this one
You are enough
You are possibility
You are becoming
You are a warrior of soil.

Pehiw Wandering 2022 for L and P

“Change the game – don’t let the game change you”

“Change the game – don’t let the game change you”
Mackelmore “Make the Money” from the album “The Heist”

Louie told us
We would rise again
Cradled by our artists
Warriors
Of paper
brush
Vibration.

So go tell our stories
“It is time”
Becoming.

Welcome
All who know their places
All who struggle
All ready to learn
All with tongues
Ready to birth new/old truths
Ready to change this game.

Pehiw Wandering 2022

Monday, July 11, 2022

Art as she lives

Do you remember,
The first time
You found
That piece
The color
The line of stone
That wonder who survived
So much to be there
Moments away from you?

Did you see the babies grow still 
Awed by Ron Mueck*
The very face if their god?

Did you ever take a corner
To on-the-fly edit the exploits of Freida and Diego?

I still remember you Miro
This human got NO BIRDS!

A lullaby of bitter sweet palimpsests
Under church words
An ancient text
Until then unknown.

At bed we agreed – Tut – best king ever.
As we read every book
Child to adult
“Don’t put the death mask of King Tut on your sister –
You know it makes her cry.”

Barbie
Wife to Osiris
Who made worshipers
Wait
Until he finished the laundry.

They put my beauty
Into storage
That face of anguish
Haunts me still
Arms stubs
Chipped marble.

Bring in the Aunties!
To feed him
To love him
Seeds planted
“That’s Diego but not the real one”

Pehiw Wandering 2022

* Awed by Ron Mueck

Tuesday, July 5, 2022

Not undone

Not undone
The truth has deep roots
Weave any frayed threads
Into your becoming
Into your circles
Into your
                Sore
                            Battered
                                            Tired places

Reinforce with
                Leaves
                            Rivers
                                            Mountains

There is space
For every part of you
Your/my gifts
Will let us water deeply
Harvest the bounty
Planted in hope
For us
By those voices absent
When “value” assigned
Given NULL/NA/--/ERROR

Let’s dream
Let the youth come
Let’s feast
FOR WE ARE NOT UNDONE
We are a new thing

Pehiw Wandering 2022

To you who feed us

Thank you
To all of you who feed me
Coffees in hand
As we dream (im)possible things
I hope one day
Each of you see
You were fueling
So many firsts
So many hard conversations.
Your food a benediction
As we grow
And re-re-remember
As we prepare to go home.

I see you
Woven deep
Into our sashes
Our blankets
Our minds.

You have fueled budgets
And innovations
And trusts
You feed our Elders
You feed our futures
Those people
We prepare
A journey to far for one generation.
So many firsts
So many moments
I never thought to see
So many treasures
I never could imagined
So many paths opening,

So know
You are in every circle
In every doughnut eaten for a past one
In everything we right/write
Ninanaskomowin (A thank you in ceremony)

I am honoured to share this journey with you.

Pehiw Wandering 2022

Friday, June 24, 2022

Door to door soul men

Did you know
They put commercials
Inside commercials now?
A franken horror of late capitalism
Animated by a greed
Made tangible
The bad boy/ girl/non-binary friend
We just can’t quit.*

We make a 1,000 excuses
We know they lie
We know they cheat at Scrabble
We know we can’t stay
But they are warm
Sometimes there
Always a spectacle.

Why do I think
This is the good life?
Marketing door to door
The soul men
Easy installments….
It can cut metal…
Kill germs…
Educate the children…
IMPROVE your life.
Don’t
Get
ꓱꓞꓱꓶ
Behind.

Pehiw Awakening 2022
*See Lauren Datson

Thursday, June 23, 2022

“Don’t forget” A response to musician Keaton Henson

“I see
a woman
a shadow to you.
Nothing and EVERYTHING
Her presence
Dances your blood.”

I can’t send that text.
An email?
A memo?
Or tendrils of cautious hope?
Do you have that app installed?

I see them
The awe of universe
We don’t have words
For those colours

(Intermission ∞)

You heard me!
The very sun appears in delight
“Don’t forget you still got art in you yet”

Pehiw Awakening 2022 For TB

Leave no letter unloved

No poem is a simple thing

All those

S             p             a             c             e             s            

Adolescent letters overcompensate

“Let’s say nothing about…(ssssh) punctuation

I remember

The first time with cummings”

“No capitals – that’s so low born”

I remember

A friend made

Lived

And gone

Nothing but blue skies from now on


The perilous beauty

(really haze pollution)

Dostyovski

I stole that book –

Paid the library back

Cause I couldn’t

Imagine a world

Where you could own such a precious symphony of humanness.

You comforted me in a moment of loss.

 

This should be another poem

Okri

Whitehead

You are branded

Underneath

Ink

Letters

Promises

My blood part

Now made

A love affair while musiced by Dylan

Close enough to touch

I should have said yes

 

Too many lifetimes

Seasons

Spent enthralled

-        I love those CHAV boys

Their play grounds are concrete

But they know their places.


Too many too remember

All those “angry women”

“others”

Too tired to coat the truth.

I knew they were bad for me

Fuck – “girls just wanna…”

 

Dim lights – change set

 

You got me banned,

A technicality – an enemy officer

I remember that night like a movie

You were there

Calming frightened boys

As your homeland

Burned.

I watched you lie

Once you met us

When you heard about a place

Where the colour of your skin

Didn’t target you for death.

You made that lie real

“Next time sleep NATO”

 

I meet the [REDACTED]

“Do you have terrorist affiliations?

My “What’s your time frame?”

Wrong answer

Cause I got blood

From lots of places/times

Where folks like us

Were punished

Wrong side of that battle.

500 lbs of rope to kill a man?

What civil servant procured?

Is there a form for that?

Did Louie himself

Fill out forms?

 

More letters

I even judged the letters – scrabble whores

“X, Y, Z”

Pervert

No family

Forever alone

Values printed on their faces

““Q” can be a real thrill”

-        On stage reveal –

Leave no letter unloved

Cause

Your story

Your truth

You

All medicines to the circle

 

Pehiw Wandering 2022

Untitled

What if our speakers
could not music our minds?
What if our sacred things weep
delegated to cases
basement bureaucracies?
What if trust...
Shatters again?

Pehiw Wandering 2022

The answers are in the work

Are we healing?
Meeting?
Writing?
Doing?
Creating?
Doing a chemistry?
Mixing proportions?
Learning new precautions?
Refining our hypothesis?

Elder S reminds us
-the answers are in the work-
That is
Knowing our helpers
Knowing our spaces
Knowing our gifts
Know that you and circle are one
-don’t forget you are medicines –

You are not a ”sinner”
You are not a binary
You are nana’s kitchen/grandpa’s workshop*
You are awe
You are.

Remember yourself
Find old loves
Thrill your soul
Create something just for you
Cause you are healing.

Pehiw Awakening 2022

*Insert your safe place.

Thursday, June 16, 2022

Star/primordial truths.

I never expected
TV to see me
To tell my story
My star/primordial truths.
I can never be the person you love.
That potentiality died.
You can’t love me.
I am only a place holder for “other*”
No!
I am somethings else
New transformed
trying to love my twisted places
To see the beauty they bring
Tell the story.
Maybe I don’t need your love
And maybe you don’t need theirs

Pehiw Awakening 2022

*Add your truth here. For me this other is a blond, blue eyed, beauty, uncomplicated, traditional mother/wife, easy fit, normal.

Sometimes eyes

Sometimes
I can’t meet your eyes
As my mind
Has set up camp
Down the end of a long hallway
Down to treasures
A tomb
Not yet plundered.
I worry – how could people
Who venerated their dead
Who sent them off with treasures
Rob their god-kings?

Don’t need need royal proclamation
To tell the peoples hurting.
Economist not needed.
This shit is pretty clear.

We gotta take back all our futures
Invent languages of reciprocity
Empty tombs
Bring those ancestors home
Bring them to work
Listen x2
Learn
See ourselves
See our truths
Meet our own eyes.

Pehiw Awakening 2022

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Untitled

You are
NOT
Your womb/seed
You are woman/person
You create life
In so many ways
Each day
Each gathering
Each hug
You mother
The motherless
You listen without judgement
You wipe our tears
And help us imagine
Learn
And hope

Pehiw Awakening 2022

Tuesday, June 14, 2022

Vibes

“Human trafficking.”
The Elders pull us from our joy
Remind us to widen our circles
Who is missing?
Who is hurting?
Who is haunted by ghosts?
Dead babies kill the vibe.
I joke cause it hurts too much.

Suicide makes me freeze
Even as I lean on my sorrows
To make THAT call to another mother.
No wonder some days hurt.
Mine made it through
-for now –
Until someone decides.
They still steal us
Missing and maimed families
Kills the vibe
I don’t always celebrate – it hurts too much

Dis-ease
Claims our bodies, our Elders and our lands
It draws it’s payment
In paper and forms
In discrimination and assumption
Taking it’s pound of flesh
In more scarred, harmed, disappeared.
Is it “progress” that you now give back our dead?
Racism.
That kills the vibe,
But I don’t always get mad – it hurts too much

Shame.
That one haunts many.
Good/Bad
Sinner/Saint
Ruler/Ruled
It takes payment in currency of the self
In midnight recriminations
The jailer is gone
The doors may be heavy
But together we are strong
Together we are enough
Together we can heal
And hold each other
When we must traverse spaces that still hurt too much.

Pehiw Awakening 2022

Thursday, June 9, 2022

Economic Development

Let’s start a business with Nanabush.
Imagine!
Economic development
Where we are all better off?
The greedy self-immolated asses
- All the trees give a giggle –
The river shares cool relief
An occasional duck
Gives an angry quack
Birch shares her healing
And the story spreads.

“Watch for that one – who has so little he must trick others.”
He is so self-hating
He can’t believe community –
He thinks he can survive alone.

Petal to stem
Roots to earth
All pity
All are warned.

Pehiw Awakening 2022

Friday, June 3, 2022

Behind our desks

How many gifts do we hide behind our desks?
What
If we
Set them free?

What if
Your words
Inspired painters
Who gifted
A new language
To Makers
Who dance with medicines
Make a rhythm
That resonates with our drummers
That activates hearts

A song of we
A new language of wonder
That embodies our thinkers
Who take us on journeys
Future/past
To re/pre member
Our languages
Our rhythms
Our hearts
And our gifts.

Pehiw Awakening 2022

Monday, May 30, 2022

A department of “feeding our babies”

Tell me triumphs
I wait for crescendo
The next lobstick
The next teaching
Profound.

A youth
An aged one
No matter the wings
Or lack
4 feet?
More?
Less?

WE SEE YOUR DEAD!
Writers
Men
Philosophers
Men
Economists
Politicians
You know the story

We’ve come for your dead
Let them pass over
Let’s stop this endless funereal
We will feast them when the time is right
They teach us
From their zombie fingers
Economy
Education
Leadership.

We need Directors General
Of caring, curiosity, circles of wonder.
A department of “feeding our babies”
Hand to hand
Heart to heart
We learn
We teach
We create
We be
We ebb
We let go

Pehiw Awakening 2022

Brown Bandages

I bought my kids the brown bandages
A memory?
You changed me
You showed me my default
White
Man
Defiantly into ladies
Con-fi-dent

No curls
No circles
No differences
I didn’t know
I didn’t know.
I made you a war
I let them invade my cities
Lost my treasures
Destroyed my sacred.

I bought myself the brown bandages
To never forget that knowing
Cause the defaults don’t work
I am a custom job
Artisanal
“upcycled”
A good clean,
A few parts
A little bit of older knowledge.
I’m as good as new
Maybe better
I have made you a peace.

Pehiw Awakening 2022
Meditation on "Apex Hides the Hurt" by Colson Whitehead

The Cree fed my family

Not old
Not young
Still gotta learn
Become
Flourish

I know more
The contours of my scars
The stories of the places
Where some treasures have been hidden
Old enough to take up the stories
To at least ask different questions

I looked spirit in the eye today
A Haida mask
A drum
Of savage degeneracy -
A drum to promise no more dances, songs or spirits.

WE DID THAT!

We tried to kill with paper
By stealing names
And stapling tongues
Those are the ancestors that worry me.
Where were you when…
They came for the letters
The names
The men

Who fed my family?
Indians
Cree
Savages
Who fed babies
Who grew into men
Who then fed them

Pehiw Awakening 2022

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

About the government

Indians write a lot of poems,
Songs
And well-reasoned missives
About the government.

Our DNA
Altered by papers
Written by men
Who could not see us as human.
Our old ones have the cure.

Wittigo a government guy?
“Trust is hard.”
That’s your legacy.

Heart to heart
We know ours.

Let go of salvation
Disband the trinity
No solo careers
Boy bands so passé
Cut off you frosted tips
Get a real job
Dance with the stars
Not the real ones
-they can’t abide a diva –
And your drama?
Well we’re done!

It’s you
That why we left
It is not me/we
It’s you

We need time to heal
We need time to write new poems
New songs
New governments
And our old ones have the cure.

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

Ninanaskomowin

Ninanaskomowin
You honor me
You said the words
But more sweet than a gentle embrace
You took that load.

My gift
To hold
To grow
To release.

I have some starts to visit now.
Some galaxies to taste.

I’ll send you postcards,
A bit of stone
A melody
And the shiny things
We’ll use to unstitch,
Roads
And tongues
And forgetting.

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

Poetry about Evaluation

Never wrote a poem
About evaluation.
Maybe McCloskey
Who reminds us our words are paint brushes
Our constructs
Greek tragedies/comedies.

I never imagined
The truth in community.
We each take our paths
We each/all hope
To see
Blacks and whites
Turn to rainbows .
Where failure
Is not fear
But a celebration of learning.

As we turn
As we travel our circles
Each gift
Each teachings
Adding to our kaleidoscopes
Each turn
A new wonder
A new view,
A new we.

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

“For launch of evaluation”

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Future

I was asked my vision
My hope
Future.

I dream of rainbow economies
Where there are spaces
For all to be
To be in safety
To be in themselves
I see midwives of potential
Helping us birth our deepest gifts.

I dream of rainbow servants
- Civil or otherwise –
Who give and take
Where “caring” is not a flaw.

I dream of calls,
30 years
100
To future generations
To say “look what grew.”

Bring me,
Bring all from the circle together again
As you light medicines
As you care for our bundle
As you tell our stories.

I dream of rainbow communities
Where connection is richness
Where giving is an honor
Where receiving is sacred

Where listening is ceremony

I want to dance with every one of you
Our visions
Hopes
And futures
Are staggering works of art
Woven
Danced
Sung
Across time and space and stars.

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

Economies of shame

Economies of shame
Where the trap you set
A religion of one god
A religion of binary
A religion of the mind.

Body bad.
No nuance.
No choices.
Alone.
Shop.
Alone.
Eat
Alone
Distract
Alone
Create
Alone.

Let’s dream the instructions to unlock that trap
Let’s send the answers
Through the soils
So others can find release.

Let’s remember,
Recreate,
Reburn our sacred fires
And link arms
With brothers and sisters
Who held the old ways close.

Grandfather stones
- P that’s you too –
Tell us stories
Economies of wonder
Monopolies of care
Markets of possibilities

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

Economy

I’ll ruin marriages
I’ll bring down dynasties, legacies and faculties,
I’ll crater markets
I’ll open up old wounds.

I’ll make the first department of the “all”
And trade in my singular pronouns
For something much more fitting.

I will recycle all my shame
Into something useful.
I will weave my doubts and fears
Into teachings I can share
Into hugs I can accepts.

I’ll take away the letters
That keep us far apart
“economy”
A tale told to children
To remind them
Of a time
When “I” forgot to we.

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

Monday, May 16, 2022

These same tracks?

Sew-way-guy
Kookum
Did your journey
Take you down
These same tracks?
Passed or traded?
Were you happy to learn?
Did your tongue
Take to the new
Even as your heart
Remembered different skylines?
What did you dream
For our futures?
Whisper everyone into me
I will carry
I will live
We will
Together
With the shimmering threads of us and all
We will
Reclaim our lands
Our feet
And our fires

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

Saturday, May 14, 2022

My First Elder

My first Elder was a drag queen

Who tells us “If you can't love yourself – how in the hell you gonna love anyone else?”

She was a Kookum to my children,

Reminding us that most of what we do is drag.

Does my brain know

It accepted all the shame?

Now I write my story on my skin.

I will become,

Whatever….

Slave to biology or free?

Who hurts in the morning?

Today – I accept becoming,

Sometimes an exquisite sound

Somedays a triceratops,

And more often now –

A gardener of futures.

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

Friday, May 13, 2022

Nana

As soon as we turn

I feel your presence

I remember all the anticipation

For the bus to pull up

Spit out its cargo

And breath

Now, it is our turn

We climb the great steps

And wind across a landscape

Dotted with the dreams

Stubborn folk

Visitors

Ancestors

Can you remember those days?

Do you remember that dance?

What secrets lie

Yet to be uncovered?

Who are you now?

Free from the chains

Of a mind

Riddled with an intensity

Women are denied?

Come with me,

Let’s journey again

Mind to mind

We will love

Our littles

And our bigs

We remember all

We forgot too

But our bones

Own us

Our blood

Is poetry

Time for us

Here among the bodied was short

But our journey

Infinite art

Letters, numbers, love unfettered.

Ever test passed.

 

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

Thursday, May 12, 2022

Put the Grandmas in the Central Bank

You hear me holler early

“the interests rates are moving”

Inflation in a mood

I told you not to gamble

In rats and lies from them

Why we need a penis

To tell the lies about the line?

Talking about care

Or feeding all the babies

-not real enough to run it – no pussies –

In our economies of shame.

Let’s count out

Our stories of hate and greed and envy.

Let’s make it real

Each rape a drain on GDP

Let’s tax abusers at a higher rate

The thieves who steal our futures

Let’s take away their privilege

Let’s bring the grandma’s back.

I’ll write that briefing note!

Stitched on a quilt of all our knowledge.

Then we will take it to the Elders

To lands and stars and peoples

“We never dies”

Not just for the model, math or theory,

But because our stories carry us

Where our measures

Are the laughter of a family

The ratio of love to respect

Long etched into our eyes

Let the numbers dance before us

Like light medicines from the old and deep

Put the grandmas in the central bank,

So I won’t holler early

Except to see and old friend

As a surprise, sunny day gift.

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

Dear Future Friend

 Dear Future Friend

The rush,

Intensity,

The everything.

My mind is not broken

I am not broken

I am made of different things

Full of portals to other worlds.

Of course we are “too much”

Our bundles packed so full

Our cases and bodies and hearts burst.

It was you who taught us shame

You who alienated us

Body from mind,

From emotions

From spirit

From our birthrights of  hope and care and abundance

You want roads

Where we want mazes and a grain of sand

And infinite expanses.

We gather sunsets that haunt us forever.

That color blue that means more to me than money.

We are not broken.

Lies!

We are not to be feared.

Lies!

We will not destroy if we are freed.

Lies!

We will not destroy

Those who lack justice

Those who need care

Those who we recognize as family.

This last part is for you dear future friend.

We don’t know each other yet,

But the shadows of those days to come

Cast back

I see our direction,

They don’t know the beauty of all the in-betweens

And patterns that set your mind alight.

We see you

We know some mountains

Where you can store your gifts

-Ready when needed-

Deep water who can hold all and does not judge

Green things to grow around you like armor

Then you need to root your feet

Walk across our lands

A giant

The great rivers your shower,

Prairie grasses your bed

Feast with Nanabush

Play dice with the west wind.

LET GO

YOU ARE NOT A MONSTER

You are a remembrance

You are not broken

But so vast

We can’t make sense with our human bodies.

Pehiw – Awakening 2022

Tuesday, March 22, 2022

Under the Buffalo Blankets

 Under the Buffalo Blankets


Under the Buffalo Blankets

I think of you Mooshum –

My link to this land.

You never said the words –

The school took them –

But,

You lived

You made

You taught.


I want to tell you

A—and I found our ways

We carry those voices

One of “those Brady’s”

 

I want to say

For each chocolate cake I eat a bite for you

Each fall, I choose a gourd and hope that it will dry.

I want to hear that noise

The wonder

That food could sing

I want to whisper “We are still here.”

But I don’t have to because you already know.

 

Pehiw Awakening 2022

Thursday, March 17, 2022

Gangsta in a sun dress (Part 2)

 Gangsta in a sun dress

Winding way through

Words missing letters

I’ve picked the bits up

Always a plan

To stitch the pieces back

The stolen treasures

Tickle my fingers

Telling jokes

Flesh to flesh

Hear a needle, hear a thread

Bringing tight

Who saves who in this last minute intervention?

I lie the letters out to find a pattern, a words, a phrase

A heart beat

A nothing

-        draw breathe –

An everything

The one is all

The all is one

 

Pehiw, Hibernation 2021

The first Gangsta in a sundress poem is here.