I am feeling kind of down these past days. Having days where everyone in the family has a panic attack and I spend the day feeling like a therapist trying to talk everyone through it. This has left me feeling tired and a cold over the weekend gave me some time to think. I am going to try and let go of some behaviors and people that are not helping me. I want to support others around me, but it costing me and I don't have much to spent at the moment.
While my older daughter responded well to medication, the younger one is still being pretty anxious. We need to keep up the hope and help everyone to keep on with life, but it limits us. I didn't think that being a parent would be this hard sometimes. How do you help your child when they find the whole world scary and you know that you have to push them out there into it anyway? How do you do that without damaging trust ? How about all those lost experiences because my children can barely do the normal stuff? We had to give up on enrichment activities when they became just another fight.
I know they will grow up ok, but sometimes that path to maturity seems so long. I feel like I spend all the time recovering from one episode and trying to build up a little reserve to deal with the next one. There is a peace in real crisis for me. I know how to deal with that, but it is not a space you can stay in full time. I usually deal with it by eating. I am trying healthier ways but that is hard change. Trying to keep my mind in the circle.