Why do I have to do the hard work?

Derek Jagodzinsky

I was feeling sorry for myself walking home after work yesterday.  Even as my heart knew a happiness with the lengthening days and the joy that I could walk home in the light I got into a grump as I thought about all I wanted to accomplish at home.  I had a list.  And no one else would care about what was on that list.  Not now anyway.

I feel my role of culture preserver in the house.  It seems heavy somedays.  I have that connection through my grandfather. I remember his eyes. If I do not reweave those traditions into our lives they are lost for our children.  Their connection is too far.  It would be over.  I need to bring the stories and language.  I need to remember to lay the tobacco and to make time for our family circle and learning.  If I do not do it, it does not happen.

Sometimes it feels like a lot.  Sometimes it feels like a lot of time was already lost.  I made sure my kids know about culture but looking backward we taught them about European culture.  They know the greek myths and the roman stories.  And I feel angry about that lost time.  Why weren't my eyes open sooner?  Why didn't I start teaching them earlier?

I also try to balance that sorrow with thankfulness of the richess I have in this journey.  All the wonderful writing and thinking by other bloggers, writers and musicians.  The pictures that I can carry in my heart.  The ability to listen to the stories of elders anytime I want from my computer and while this is not the same as the relationship of a community, it is better than nothing.  All those who share their knowledge and stories and their personal thought on their journies.  These inspire me that I am not alone on this path.  That we each add our little bit and it will build to something wonderful.