Funny kind of week making our drums and waiting to try them out and waiting for winter to pass. Runa carefully turned the drums everyday and we figured out how to make a drum stick from a youtube video and even found fake sheep fur in the basement. Last night we went to drum circle and smudged them. I don't think that my children are very rhythmic. I could see the Elder wince a bit, but it was good to be together and really good to see other people working out their language and learning. I shared that I am thinking about nanaskomowin (gratitude) a lot. I called my Kookum Nana, so the two things go together for me, idea of gratitude and the ancestors.
Got home to an issue that was very triggering and did not melt down. Went with the ancestors, remembered how many of these times they faced and survived. Did not have an anxiety attack. Woke up and dealt with the issue plus a magnificent mitten melt down by Runa that let to a missed school bus, late mother and some creative use of vocabulary.
Very happy because the new Mackelmore album "This Unruly Mess I've Made" is out. It hurts. The truths hurt. Real hurts eh? "Dr I need a dose of the American dream. Put down the pen and look in my eyes. We are in the waiting room and something aint right... Dr your medicine and your methods can't cure my disease without killing me." He talks a lot about addiction on this album. I feel the connection. We are all addicted to our fears and shopping and drugs. We are all implicated as we all buy the dream. I think I am addicted to my anxiety.
I just started a book called "Anishnabe 101" written by "The Circle of Turtle Lodge" and this paragraph felt like the perfect balance to these truths about addiction. "We were raised in a competitive world. We were taught to strive for perfection; to get those straight A's; have the impeccable house, be pure of mind, body, and spirit. It has been described as not unlike striving to be the new immaculate specimen in a butterfly collection. However, the only way to meet the goal was to sacrifice life." What are we sacrificing? Is it worth it?