Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Weeping woman

^Weeping Volcano Woman by Norman Tait, Nisga'a artist:
Weeping Volcano Woman by Norman Tait, Nisga'a artist
Welcome back to regular life. I forget sometimes, that even "good" stimulation can be too much for Sophie.  We had a great Christmas eve morning visiting my office and walk home in the +17 weather.  We survived dinner and gift opening - sometimes a pressure point, when she accidentally broke her gift for Runa.  This left Runa in tears, which led to Sophie lying under the trampoline crying and screaming that she would be better off dead and that she is a terrible person.  It sort of took the merry away.  Even after we got her calmed down, it stays with everyone.  She refused to leave the house for a couple of days and we ended up doing things without her which further upsets Runa.

That said, we went to the park on Christmas day, shot each other with nerf darts and played outside.  We made a magnificent snow fort and played a lot of card games.  We visited the art gallery a couple of times and made up our lego kits.  I made a collaged buffalo and a gingerbread house.  We painted and decorated both of the girl's rooms.  So there is always the good in between the moments of sad.  Getting back into school again has been hard for Sophie but she has her Physiatrist appointment this week which hopefully will help her adjust her meds and we are setting up a whole bunch of other supports to will see what helps her. I am taking her to see some Elders next week and get their views as well.  Their previous assessment was that maybe the blood memory is strong in her and she carries extra because of that.

I am trying to reach out to my Kookums who have walked on for support.  Neither of our parents care at all.  Joel's did not even phone this Christmas.  It still hurts me how little they care.  But the ancestors are always there and I appreciate having access to this resource now.  It is comforting to know all the experience they have and can bring to my current situation.  More so, as their perspective on time is so different it helps me align things for myself with a wider lens. 

We had our circle times as a family, talking about the sacredness of our bodies, for Sophie this was a discussion about growing up that made her very uncomfortable, and more broadly we talked about what better habits we wanted to focus on in the next few months.  I used passages from the Kim Anderson book "A Recognition of Being" to guide these conversations.  I read a lot and have a number of interesting articles to share in the next few days.  I hope that there was some good for you in this holiday.

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