I saw this mirror on day on my morning commute. I was struck how pretty it was even in its brokenness. Can we still be something good when we are broken or do we need to wait until we can appreciate ourselves?
I have a couple of books I am reading very slowly as there is so much to think about that I get stuck on a page for a while. Yesterday I returned to "Reclaiming you Life" by Jean Jenson who was talking about how unresolved trauma can end up being replayed over and over again when an unmet present need becomes a catalyst to relive the original trauma. This event then plays out with the survival skills the person originally used to cope and nothing is really learned from the event However, she speaks about the possibility of trying to meet the present need as a means to begin learning new patterns to respond to the original trauma.
As I stopped to take that in and ponder on all the ways I repeat the patterns of my interactions with my mother, I picked up "Food Junkies" by Vera Tarman where she spoke about exploring what we are really hungering for when we overeat. To ask ourselves what the food is a replacement for? These thoughts are all mixed up connected to my questions about where I want to go with my life in and my frustration when I feel that I have not gotten what I need out of a situation. I realized that a lot of those feelings were about not getting a need met and then having those patterns play out.
For me that need is for acceptance and really, I am only going to get that from myself. No other person is going to be able to fully meet that need. That led me to thinking about what I need to give myself so that I can stop being angry that the outside world isn't giving it too me. What do you need to feed yourself?