Wednesday, December 9, 2015


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Why is receiving so hard?  Both at the drum circle and dinner we went to last night there were gifts.  This made me very uncomfortable.  The dinner brought up a lot of memories from times when we were very poor and my mother was pretty strict about accepting things.  You might be poor but you didn't want people to know it. 

Maybe it is the lost of power?  When giving, the power is mine and I am in control.  Perhaps I see receiving as passive and powerless?  Maybe it is the surprise of it?  We had gone to these events not expecting anything.  How different it is for Runa who expects things to come to her and is happy about it. I am also wondering if there is some cultural residue there.  For many indigenous peoples giving away is good thing.  In "white" dominant culture is the idea about giving different?

Even when it is not things but a kind ear or someone's time, those very precious things.  I never feel worthy of this care.  But maybe I am afraid to fully embed myself in the circle?  Maybe I need to receive, not only for myself, but so that others can give and the taking is not greedy or denying someone else, but my part of the currents of the circle.  Do you have trouble taking?  Why do you think this is hard for us? 

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